BBB Episode 3: Yosted

I don't like the way the Kansas City Royals play. I really don't. Their small-ball is infuriating. The way they frequently win in spite of Ned Yost's hideous managing is awful to watch. Combine that with some of the personalities on their team and it's easy to see why the Royals are loathed all around baseball. They've found their way into constant fights thanks to their mind-numbing ways.

With that in mind, I thought it would be fun to try to beat the Royals at their own game. The parameters?
-Only grounders. No hitting balls in the air. The Royals have to send little grounders through holes.
-Bunt all the time. Whenever possible. Waste outs whenever possible, even with really good hitters.
-Put relievers into very specific roles. Specific relievers need to be tasked with the 7th, 8th and 9th.
-Those relievers must only be used in a tie game or with a lead.
-If losing or winning by enough that it's a non-save situation, unremarkable long relievers must be used.

My rigid bullpen includes Johnson in middle relief, Hasselhoff for the seventh, Webber for the eighth and Crocket to close. Eckman, Luna and Worthington are long relievers.

As for the actual bunt-filled experiment ...

It didn't go particularly well for the Melonheads. The luck that's bailed Ned Yost out of so many terrible decisions wasn't there for the Melonheads on this day.

In the top of the third, all hell broke loose after a two-out error by Marky Dubois. Kay O'Toole singled to score Stuart Sullivan and Raquel Cullen followed with a ground-rule double to put runners at second and third. At that moment, I thought to myself, "what would Ned Yost do?" Cleanup hitter Kiesha Phillips was coming up. Rather than doing the smart thing and pitching conservatively to the slugger, I consulted the all-knowing Yost. He told me that the one true path to follow was the intentional walk. I intentionally walked Phillips and took my chances with Anna Goudreau. She hit a grand slam. Five unearned runs all came from a two-out error.

On the offensive side of things, the Melonheads picked up tons of slap hits, but could never string them together. Lisa Crocket hit an Aluminum Power homer to open up the fourth. (It was the only time all game that they didn't hit the ball on the ground. Aluminum Power overrules everything.) Later in that inning, the Melonheads had the bases loaded with one out and Ricky Johnson coming up. It's the perfect Royals situation. A walk and two bunt singles load the bases for the worst player in the lineup. Unfortunately, his little roller didn't find a hole. The Royals got the force out at the plate and Webber bounced into another force out to end the inning.

To top it off, O'Toole got Kansas City's run back on another solo homer to make it 6-1 in the fifth. Kawaguchi lasted six innings, allowing six runs, but only one was earned. Worthington pitched surprisingly well in long relief, allowing just one hit and striking out five. The Melonheads offense continued to sputter. Bases loaded and one out in the seventh with the heart of the order coming up led to absolutely nothing as Crocket popped out and Dubois grounded out to end the threat. Eckman singled home a run in the ninth, but the Melonheads fell, 6-2.

Here's the ridiculous part: the Melonheads outhit the Royals 15-7. However, the Royals had four extra-base hits to the Melonheads' one and the one error altered the entire game. Sadly, the Royals wouldn't be defeated by their own style. The parasites could not be vanquished on this day.

W: Kiesha Phillips (1-0) L: Kenny Kawaguchi (1-1)

This experiment may be revisited with a few changes in our next meeting with the Royals.